well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
