Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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