TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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