I CAN MOONWALK!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
