Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize