: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
