this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
