Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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