I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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