She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
