I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
