If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
As shirtless as possible
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
