hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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