Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
