just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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