Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
