We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
