Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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