Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
