You were right. It hurts to walk today.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
