Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
