I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
