We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
