I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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