Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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