i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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