Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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