Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Im part way to drunk.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
