Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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