I puked a lego.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
