life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
