i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
