bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
