i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
