why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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