i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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