we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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