and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
