if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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