Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
