you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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