I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
