my phone needs a breathalizer
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
