How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
