I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
