Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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