do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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