Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
