At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
