is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
