You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize