Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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