The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
