I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
