My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
