I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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