Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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