it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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