I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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