I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
