I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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