I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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