Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
