She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
