if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
