i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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