Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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