I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
