Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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