at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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